Moving to Freedom, .Org(on)

Itsy Bitsy Fritsy 3: A Simple Plan

by Fritzi Webber
(go to the beginning)

I don’t have an especially nasty bite. (Not against humans, anyway.) But I’ve been thinking a lot about how I might kill the man, or at least severely disable him.

I have observed that he reacts rather violently when he crosses a thread unexpectedly. Spiders and webs gross him out that way. I have also observed that he is a creature of habit. He goes down the stairs first thing in the morning, feeds the cat, and drinks coffee. He is unsteady on his feet and inattentive before that first cup of coffee.

Here’s the plan: I’ll run silk across the stairway, criss-crossing the upper part of the steps overnight, with the expectation that he’ll thrash, stumble, and fall to his death.

Simple.

I’ll have the aid of darkness. He gets up early during the work week. The stairway has one of the few lights left in the house that hasn’t been converted to CFL. I can use the old trick of tapping on the glass to start the filament vibrating just so, causing it to break.

All night long I’ll “spin to beat the loom.” He won’t see the trap until it’s too late. He will freak when he starts down those steps.

Muhahahahaha.

Tonight, dear readers, I will have my revenge.

Operation Plummet” is a go.