Itsy Bitsy Fritsy 10: Reprieve, Reproach, Regroup
The man came home very late last night, empty-handed.
The cat was going nuts. It was long past dinner time. The man apologized, saying he had been out to happy hour. He claimed to have called to explain, but that the cat hadn’t answered. (I don’t remember the phone ringing at all.)
He was acting peculiar. Was he “drunk?” Maybe more like: giddy?
The man is almost never late, and as far as I know, he never goes to happy hour. An unexpected turn, but it seemed a good thing for me. Even Boris acknowledged that this was a positive sign. He said that people usually don’t hold grudges for long against spiders. But then he added that spiders usually don’t go to such lengths to “freak out the homeowner.”
He further observed that, maybe, if the man didn’t see any evidence of spiders for a few days or weeks, maybe we’d escape from pogromatic activity. The others all sighed with relief, as if suddenly Boris was a respected village elder and the source of all wisdom in these matters. Boris. He isn’t even on the HSA board.
I could tell his remarks were directed at me, because he pointed at me. I tried to gauge the mood in the shelter area. While still getting a healthy dose of stink eye from the others, it appeared that they might be willing to let it go. They were desperate to get out of there by that time. And maybe I would let it go now. (For a while, anyway.)
But then Liselotte, that spiditch, spoke up. “Well, I know one good way to ensure that things stay quiet around here. Maybe those who seem to be unhappy with the house might want to consider moving to a new home.”
“I’m sure we could write a good recommendation, hmmmmm?” she said.
So that’s how it was going to be. Bribery. Following procedure, it would take them a month to formally evict me from the house. Obviously they would prefer I just left quickly and quietly. The recommendation would give me a shot at survival. I’d need to find a new home and get accepted into a new HSA quickly. With a formal eviction, word would get around. I’d have to travel far in the hostile outdoors, vulnerable to any feral cat, robin, or street spider. My chances would not be good.
Another possibility was that I could grovel my way out of it. Act all hangbug and remorseful. I considered it, but decided Liselotte would just let me plead and cry about it, and then go through with the expulsion anyway.
She’s had it in for me for a long time. Ever since I mated with Dietrich, when she had been practically dragging him into her web. But he wanted me. What can I say? I’m hot. Of course he died and then there was nothing left to do but eat him. You know how it is. So now she doesn’t care for me.
I thought about my latest plan. Maybe I would have to leave, but not before trying one more time for the man. I’d come so close. I wanted him dead.
I didn’t say anything. Everyone waited expectantly, as if I were a big fly that might come buzzing into their web, but I wasn’t going to fall for it.
“Hmmmph,” said Liselotte, trading glances with the other two members of the board.
That was yesterday.
Today has started uneventfully. The man went about his morning routine without any overt genocidal planning with the cat. He seemed distracted, and went out the door without incident.
Although still chafing at the confines of the shelter, everyone is crawling easier now. Except for me. After assigning a few people to hunting duty and a few more to watch me, the board went off to a closed-web meeting two hours ago. I think they’re looking for some way to expedite my eviction.
I need to act soon, but my next attempt on the man will have to wait for tomorrow. (Assuming I can slip away unnoticed to carry out preparations.) It depends on a certain man ritual…
This plan… just wait and see!
If I succeed, I know all will be forgiven. Maybe I’ll even run for the board in my role as conquering heroine, just to annoy Liselotte.
Expect my next update tomorrow evening. I’ll strike when he returns home. If all goes well, I’m hoping I can report back around six o’clock with good news for you!