The Globber

A Globber. AKA Funny Angry Monster from wpclipart.com

I’m still getting up between two and three a.m. every morning. It’s a new and strange feeling for me to want to get up and “work.” That is, work on the blog. (And idly browse the Internet, but that’s part of the blogger’s job.)

But it’s only work if someone makes you do it, which is why the quote marks above. And it’s only my mental illness that is driving me to do this. I want to do it. Yet, I still suffer some anxiety. LoBloPukeyMo has me writing and posting so much. And it feels so good. But I want it to be good for you also, and that means… what? I don’t know. That’s the problem. Each day I have to face the blank post. What am I going to blog about? WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME? Just kidding. I’m fine. I do have something to write about for today. Everything is going to be all right. Let’s proceed.

You may have noticed my unhealthy fascination with what I now call “the cojones article.” I linked to it from this site, I mentioned it on Facebook and Twitter more than once, and I aggressively recommended it in person to people at my day job. (And by the way, did you know there are added benefits to “liking” and following the MovingToFreedom Facebook page? I plan to share auxiliary materials there, and yesterday posted a drawing of what I think is a cojones plant.)

Well, the guy that wrote the cojones article just started a blog. (He calls it a glob.) I’m not going to link to it yet, because it’s frightening.

(…)

Okay. Now I’m going to link to yesterday’s post, but please be careful if you decide to visit (I don’t recommend it):

The Glob Claims Its First Victims!

I only mention it out of fairness, since I’m stealing the idea for this post from there. (But I hope not the style. I aim for “slightly disturbing” here more than “extremely disturbing.”)

Let’s return to three a.m. this morning. I sat down and needily checked Facebook for comments and more “likers” for the quite likable MovingToFreedom Facebook page. I compulsively reviewed stats for this site. Then I started reading my feeds. This all takes time, leading to the possibility of another dog and cat photo as a fallback post. I didn’t want to risk another one so soon — even though we all love the dog and cat photos — but I have to follow my process. And then I started reading the “glob,” and then, BAM. The globber was throwing out all these great post ideas. I quickly picked one up and ran.

The periodic table of the elements!

(And if you still haven’t read the glob but are planning to, you might want to get out of there at the same place. I would exit as soon as possible.)

He mentioned the periodic table of the elements, and I thought about how people like to make up alternate tables. I searched for [periodic table of elements], but that just returned images of the incomprehensible real thing. So I used my rudimentary Google-Fu to search instead for ["periodic table of the" -elements], and now we’re getting somewhere.

Here are some of the top results:

That’s our internet. That’s why we keep coming back. My extensive research also turned up the Periodic Table Avalanche, which gives us:

  • Periodic Table of Irrational Nonsense
  • Periodic Table of Mad Men
  • Periodic Table of Swearing

I particularly liked the Mad Men one.

I didn’t see it in my initial searches, but I had a vague memory of… something… something cool… something awesome. Oh, that’s right:

The Periodic Table of Awesoments

For example, #1 is “Bn — Bacon.” Clearly this is a legitimate scientific endeavor. And awesome. Here’s the upper left part of it:

Periodic Table of the Awesoments (partial)

(Sadly, the original source at http://www.dapperstache.com seems to be gone, but there are many copies out there and it will live on, forever.)

And you won’t be surprised to learn I discovered a periodic table of periodic tables like this, because it’s the internet. I’m not going to link to that one. This has to end.