(This isn’t a real post.)
WARNING: “The following post contains graphic violence, strong language, nudity, and adult situations.”
Not this post you’re reading, but the next one. The post after this one. It may not be there yet. (If it’s not — phew — I warned you ahead of time.)
The warning isn’t completely true.
But the wording occurred to me as I wrote this, remembering the old HBO warning from the ’80s. It was like a blinking sign for aggressive and horny teenagers as we feverishly perused the guide: “This is the good stuff.” *
To clarify the warning:
- There will be no nudity in the next post. (Other than me exposing my naked soul.)
- There will be strong language, of which, more in a moment.
- The only graphic violence will be my typical butchering of the English language.
- Adult situations? Was this tag necessary, HBO? I always thought it was implied by the writhing naked bodies, abundant profanity, and bullet-riddled corpses.
So, for the post, not this post, but the post after this one:
There is this cursing business, as mentioned. But, it is essential for the post. I assure you it will be quite artistic and highbrow. You may point out that using naughty language is nothing new for my blog, and that I frequently rely on juvenile crudities here, and you may wonder: why the warning now?
Well, it will be right there in the title of the post, for one thing. Perhaps NSFW, depending on your working environment. (But again, no “dirty” pictures. No pictures at all, other than the usual stunning mental imagery I create for you.) I’ve previously managed to keep the post titles more family friendly, with the most borderline being, “That’s Bulshytt,” which was actually a thoroughly scholarly entry. With this forthcoming post title, it was necessary to lead with the obscenity. It had to be done. It’s not gratuitous in the least.
I just thought I should warn you, although on second thought, it’s clear that you’re all mature and sophisticated enough to handle this without my explanations, so: never mind. (I shouldn’t even publish this; I’m afraid it will dilute the impact of my bold, daring, strongly worded post.)
* It’s almost too bad the old <blink> tag has gone away with HTML5. Yes, it was a crime against humanity, but it would have been so fitting here. You would have clapped with delight. But alas, it is not to be. And please don’t tell me I could do it with JavaScript. I know I could do it with JavaScript. But it would still be wrong.
