It Has To Be
It has to be like this.
Well, no. It doesn’t have to be, but “quality through quantity” is a good approach. You have to run your own slush pile, and keep telling yourself it is a slush pile. You’re not going to publish all this sludge. You’ll let the good stuff—or at least the better stuff—rise to the top.
But you did write it. It’s hard to throw it away. You might need it. The days pass by, and you want to keep publishing regularly, because you’re needy and want attention and love. You have to put something out there, and you might end up publishing something like this thing you’re reading right now.
(Please note that it may not be wise, admitting to people that you’re outsourcing the reading of your slush pile to them. They might expect payment.)
You might start feeling desperate and squirrelly, but this is all you have, these first drafts. It’s all you can do. So on a day like today, you’ll again write this way, just to get the 300 words.
You might imagine you can publish it. It might work. (And it will look even better after a beer or two.) Maybe you’ll publish it, maybe you won’t. Perhaps you’ll stop posting every day, and then for a week, a month, and then…
It won’t really matter. Unless you’ve lost your real job by then, either because you were fired for voicing how you really feel, or you quit with the delusional belief that all you need is more time for writing, to really make it work. And now you have no money coming in, and this… writing is all you have… oh, man… the craziness and despair, then.
Thankfully, you can stop when you’ve reached 300 words, and forget about it for a while. You’ll redeem it later somehow, or you won’t post it.
You don’t have to post it.
No one needs to know how it really is.