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The Okay Red Spot

Jupiter's Great Red Spot

Look at the so-called “Great Red Spot” on Jupiter. In this picture of the earth at our closest approach to the giant, it looks like a big eye leering down at us.

What? You think there’s something fishy about this picture? You’ve never seen Jupiter so up close? Wake up, man! That’s because it always happens at night, when everyone is sleeping. This is exactly the kind of thing that Wikipedia editors don’t want you to know, because they’re tools of The Man. Yet sometimes the truth slips out, like this picture, which they claim is a composite photo, roughly comparing the size of earth and the spot.

We can’t say for sure that it’s not a creepy old eyeball, staring at us while we sleep, but those editors will censor you if you try adding some informed speculation to their work of propaganda. (We might as well call Wikipedia the “mouthpiece of NASA,” you know what I mean?) Fortunately, with a free web, the truth can be guessed.

I’m not claiming to have the answers. I would never try pinning down reality like that. It could just as well be an enormous natural whirlpool/sauna, perhaps a tourist destination that the Jupiterians, or “Jupies,” flock to, much like hot springs here on earth.

The classic explanation, stated as undisputed truth by Wikipedia, is that the red spot is a long-running storm: “The Great Red Spot is a persistent anticyclonic storm, 22┬░ south of Jupiter’s equator; Earth observations establish a minimum storm lifetime of, variously, 182 years and possibly 347 years.”

Yeah. Whatever.

However, being open-minded, I’m willing to consider any explanation, including wormholes and alien interference.

Maybe it is simply a storm, and the local forecasters endlessly promise sunnier weather ahead. “It has to end one of these days, guys.” And they all laugh and move on to sports. Meanwhile, the weather guy hopes it never ends because it’s really easy to predict.

Of course, someday the storm will blow over, and the Jupies will say, thank Saturn, we can finally mow the gas.